Flu Shot

 "Where are we going, Baba?"

To the doctors, Mischa. 

"Oh. Are they going to check my eyes? And listen to my lungs?"

We will see. Take my hand and walk with me.

She hopped out the car with her pink stethoscope around her neck. Doctor trips are her favorite. But today, she's getting a flu shot. Like every kid, she is afraid of shots. 

• If I told her beforehand, she would dread it and cry the whole way. The anxiety leading up to it would be worst than the actual shot. 
• If I explained it to her, how could her toddler mind understand vaccines? Immune system? Antibodies and antigens? 

I remain quiet, giving her just the bare minimum that she has to know. As I'm filling out her consent form for the shot she asks, "What are you writing down, Baba?" Writing down your name. "Ohh." 

The sweet nurse comes in, but the usual exam isn't taking place. "Where's our doctor?" The nurse will be helping us today. I plop her on to the bench in the room and let her play with my phone. The nurse prepares the syringe and Mischa looks at me with fear and betrayal in her eyes. It'll be quick. I promise. She hugs me tight, I hug her tight, and the shot was quick for me, even though it may have felt like minutes for her. She gets a pony bandaid, a sticker, and we are done. 

  I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,

    but now my eye sees you;

therefore I despise myself,

    and repent in dust and ashes.

-Job 42:5-6 

 Often times when we go through suffering, we cry out to God asking "Why?!" We wonder why He didn't stop it. We feel betrayed, maybe even angry at God. (For some, this suffering might be finding out that your candidate lost the election.)

• Does God have to tell us what is to come? Is He required to? Does He answer to us? 
• If He explained it to us, how could our finite mind understand what the Eternal God knows? 

We don't see Scripture calling us know all the answers. It calls us to trust. It is our Father's duty to know what is best for us and gently telling us to "Take my hand and walk with Me." We may ask and He may give us just enough for us to trust Him. 

What we don't realize in the midst of our suffering is the tight arms of God around us. The pain is sharp and loud. It grabs hold of our attention. Mischa felt the needle more than she felt how tightly I was hugging her. 

Did I have the power to stop the vaccine? Absolutely. The doctor's office cannot administer medication without my consent as her father. All I had to say was, "Stop." But I did not. Why? Because Mischa needed this flu shot and it's good for her. 

Does God have the power to stop our suffering? Absolutely. Read this conversation between Satan and God. The world erroneously thinks that Satan and God are equal rivals. HA! They are not! Satan still submits and needs God's permission to act. All God has to say was, "Stop." Why doesn't God stop our suffering? Here's the difficult truth to grasp: 

because we need it and it's good for us.  

Can suffering really be good for us? Can we say that Job's suffering was good for him?!

Job 42:5-6 suggests so. Before all of this, Job had only heard of God. But now, he has seen God! Under what condition did Job see God? Through Job's suffering! It was through his suffering that God revealed Himself to Job. Job's initial response was to cry out and question. But once he saw the goodness of God, he responds with "therefore, I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes." 

I'm sorry I didn't trust You. I'm sorry I wrongly accused You of your perfect goodness. I'm sorry I accused you of abandoning me while You were holding me all along. 

When life was good, Job only heard of God. When life fell apart, Job saw God. 

Since He is our good Father, He allows suffering to shape and mold us, but holds on tightly to us, even if we are fighting Him at the moment. However, as we learn to trust Him and become more aware of His presence, we embrace Him through the suffering and declare that He is still good. 

Job has tasted and seen of the sweetest of love (Psalm 34:8)

Listen to this song and make this your prayer (a cover by The Yuns. Their acapella after the bridge is Heavenly):

Let us become more aware of Your presence

Let us experience the glory of Your goodness

Stop looking at the needle and look at the nail-pierced hands of Jesus who holds you closely through it all.