I've used this advice when doing premarital counseling for couples. I've also used this advice for my paramedic students:
This has been a difficult few weeks for America, on more issues than one. If we listen to reply, we aren't truly listening, are we? We become defensive and quickly start feeling self-righteous. How do we guard against that in this day?
We often listen to reply, not listen to understand.
Romans 12:15-18 commands us to:
5 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
This is how Scripture expects Christians to react in a time such as this. I encourage you to read the whole passage, but I'll focus on these verses and highlight what stands out that may aide us in our conversations with our neighbors:
- Mourn with those who mourn
- Live in harmony
- Do not be haughty (feel arrogantly superior to others)
- Associate with the lowly
- Never be wise in your own sight
- Live peaceably with all
How do we accomplish this? Scripture doesn't give us a step-by-step play. It does give us a wise piece of advice in all of this though: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger (James 1:19)
I put #5 in Italics because I want to focus on that. "Never be wise in your own sight." There's Side A, and there's Side B. Then there's Side C which sees both Side A and Side B.
You know what's crazy? If you speak to most people from Side A or Side B, they would tell you that they are actually "Side C" and can "see it from both sides." So what does a true "Side C" person look like?
They do not want to be wise in their own eyes, so they will consult and ask others for their view. They will talk to someone from Side A and mourn with them, never feeling superior to them, and live peaceably with them. Then they will talk to Side B, and mourn with Side B, never feeling superior to them, and live peaceably with them.
They will not try to convince Side A to see Side B. Nor will they try to convince Side B to see it from Side A's perspective. That's not important, because the second that he tries to get Side A to see Side B, he is no longer mourning with Side A. He becomes a Side B who convinces himself that he is "Side C and able to see both sides" when in reality, he has failed so see Side A.
Let's start listening to the community. Ask questions, eager to learn their view and not offer to "play the devil's advocate" or try to represent the countering thought. Genuinely listen because you care about them and because you care to educate yourself too.
This pertains to the many controversial conversations going on now in the country. But since the BLM movement has center-stage and is worthy of a good conversation, here are some questions I am asking the black community and to the police community:
- How have you experienced discrimination because of your skin?
- How has "The System" made it difficult for you to move forward in life? What changes would you like to see take place?
- What are your fears? (Without ever trying to dismiss or diminish their fears)
And to my friends in the police department, SWAT, or having to be in full riot gear:
- Help me understand everything that happens before the tear gas/rubber bullets? What are the procedures/protocols? What's going through your mind?
- What inspired you to become a police officer? Do you feel that the media accurately portrays your job and calling?
- How have you been treated because you wear a badge?
Most importantly, for every conversation (COVID19, BLM, Hong Kong, etc...) , ask, "How can I pray for you?"
Let's admit that all of this is not an easy fix, or an easy conversation.
Let's seek to live in peace, to understand, and to mourn with those around us.
A hurting world needs the shoulders of a strong Church to cry on.
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